By Aleksey Bashtavenko

Academic Composition

Herman’s life began in a well-to-do family in Arlington, Virginia. His father, a successful lobbyist, and his mother, a devoted attorney, held strong beliefs about racial justice in America. Despite their privileged lifestyle, they were determined to ensure their son’s success. However, from an early age, Herman failed to demonstrate exceptional talents according to private educators.

Frustrated by these assessments, his mother insisted on exposing him to numerous cultural and artistic activities, hoping to uncover hidden abilities. Yet, Herman remained mediocre at best, leading to a childhood filled with constant pressure from his parents. As a result, he became inhibited and self-conscious, lacking the confidence to explore his own interests.

At the age of 18, Herman entered Brown University, where he encountered an intense focus on social justice ideologies, mirroring his parents’ beliefs. In his freshman year, he enrolled in an English class that would challenge his perception of literature and his own identity.

The class was taught by a transgender professor who had strict guidelines for readings. To Herman’s surprise, all works by “White cisgender male” authors, including classics by Shakespeare, Dickens, and Chaucer, were banned. Instead, the class was to focus solely on readings by women, people of color, and gender-fluid individuals. The professor placed particular emphasis on Leslie Feinberg, a transgender author who referred to themselves as “ze” and identified as a revolutionary communist, even though much of their writing focused on LGBTQ+ issues rather than strictly on communism as a historical ideology.

This experience left Herman thoroughly bemused and caused him to question his own identity. He contemplated the idea of gender transition, feeling pressure to conform to the prevailing narrative of identity and privilege. It was in this state of confusion that Herman reunited with his old friend Steven, who was considered a heretic in the eyes of Herman’s parents.

Steven, a moderate Republican, dared to introduce Herman to a text by a White male author: Franz Kafka. This further flummoxed Herman as he grappled with the cognitive dissonance between his ideological purity and his sentiments of attachment to his friend. The conflicting perspectives left him contemplating the idea of taking a vow of silence.

The classroom experience, coupled with his encounters with Steven, deepened Herman’s disillusionment with the prevailing social justice narrative at Brown University. He felt an overwhelming sense of being silenced and rejected due to his white cisgender identity. Unable to reconcile these conflicting emotions, Herman began considering a vow of silence as a way to remove himself from the perceived harm caused by his mere existence.

Thus, Herman embarked on a path of silence, disconnecting himself from conversations, discussions, and interactions. The vow became a symbol of his perceived monstrousness and a rejection of a system that he believed deemed him unworthy of expressing himself.

In Herman’s pursuit of meaning and understanding, he found solace in his silence. However, this self-imposed isolation took him further away from challenging the repressive nature of the ideologies he encountered in the classroom. Instead of using his voice to question and engage, Herman withdrew into silence, believing it to be the only path that offered respite from the conflicting narratives that surrounded him.