By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit
Exile in Happy Valley
Joe Biden is pissed off again and coming out swinging and it isn’t those pesky Russkies or dastardly Chinamen this time either. It’s those stupid assholes who voted for the other moron, you know, the orange fella. But this is no laughing matter. Joe is deadly serious. Pounding the pulpit before a crimson lit background, flanked by sharply dressed Marines like a white Louis Farrakhan with Alzheimer’s, Joe proselytized to us on primetime television about a grave threat to our democracy, an existential threat to “the very foundations of our republic” and then the President used the F-word.
No not the fun one that I chuck around like hatchets at the Gathering of the Juggalos. The one that pretty much everyone else chucks around like hatchets at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Fascism, well, semi-fascism at least. According to Joe Biden, the greatest threat to our exceptional empire isn’t climate change or nuclear holocaust but the scourge of MAGA Republicans, and only you can stop them with a check to your local Democratic Party and a vote for whatever marginally lesser evil that they’ve sanctioned this year.
It’s at this moment when you catch your breath and realize that you’ve been terrorized into another pledge drive for America’s other imperialist party. “With just three easy payments of 99.99 you too can save American democracy and advertise that fact to all the other bougie Karens in line at Starbucks with this stylish “I Fought the MAGA Republicans!” tote bag.” Goddamnit! You fuckers got me again. I’ll take two. But just because Biden’s midterm saber rattling is just a rather obvious if garish act of partisan theater doesn’t mean that the threat isn’t real. Donald Trump is a nefarious gangster with a devoted posse willing to get themselves shot in the face at the Capitol just to do his bidding. Hell, some of them may very well be deserving of that other F-word. But that poses a question that probably doesn’t get asked enough in hatchet country. What the fuck is fascism anyway?
Nobody seems to be able to give a straight answer on that one and the few who do all seem to have very different definitions. We all know what fascism looks like, with the marching and the jackboots and the torches and the flags. It’s basically racist S&M without the safe words and nobody ever gets off, they just get more pissed off. But aside from the violent theatrics their really doesn’t seem to be a hell of a lot holding it all together and that’s largely by design. Fascism isn’t so much of a philosophy as it is an excuse for rich people to use poor people to kill other poor people. The few things that most of these excuses have in common are demonizing minorities in order to justify the militarization of civilian society and consolidating unchecked corporate power within the federal government. All of this twisted nonsense fits Donald Trump like a fun sized condom. The only problem is that it fits most of his opponents too, including Antifa’s latest member, Joe Biden.
Think about it. What are all the sins that make MAGA reek like Mussolini’s drawers? The demonization of opponents. The weaponization of the border. The use of law and order to contain irate minorities. The proclamation of absolute power. The glorification of militaristic nationalism. All of this is straight out of the Clinton-Obama-Biden playbook.