By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit
Is it just me or does the JCPOA seem to be cursed? Everybody who isn’t Trump or Israel seems to agree that the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action known colloquially as the Iran Nuclear Deal was working smashingly before it was unilaterally violated by the prior on behalf of the latter. Every other signatory of that deal and the International Atomic Energy Agency who oversaw it are all in total agreement that Iran was in compliance with what amounted to the most obnoxiously intrusive nuclear inspections regime devised by man or beast, all levied against a nation that even Israeli intelligence admits never appears to have even had a nuclear weapons program to begin with. Joe Biden ran for president and won on a promise to revive the deal and the Mullahs have steadfastly offered to comply as soon as the crippling Trump regime sanctions are lifted. And yet, here we are now, over a fucking year after Biden entered the Oval Office and somehow, we seem farther from the JCPOA than ever before.
Talks have been dragging on for months and leading nowhere. Iran’s demands are simple and remain virtually the same since day one, save for a few concessions that they’ve made to the Biden Administration; knock it off with the fucking sanctions that crazed orange orangutan gagged us with and we’ll offer you back our nuclear program on the same silver platter we awarded to Obama back in 2015. But somehow this simple message is two fucking complicated for Biden’s people, who let’s not forget are essentially just Obama’s people in new ties. America won’t even meet with Iran directly. We send them coded messages in a bottle through EU intermediaries at drop sites in Doha or Vienna and they fucking put up with it! Yet somehow, the simplest snafu to undue in imperial history continues to be derailed by a never-ending procession of tripwires and landmines.
Iran offers to return to the JCPOA, and Biden demands they make concessions to the maximum pressure ransom note of the same ginger asshole who continues to insist Joe stole the fucking election. Iran offers to return to the JCPOA, and their scientists are assassinated in broad daylight by hired guns who do everything but wave an Israeli flag over their bodies after dropping the gat to announce who sent them. Iran offers to return to the goddamn JCPOA, and America hijacks their oil tankers on the high seas like Blackbeard with battleships. Iran finally caves to the crazy concessions Trump made and Biden demands, and talks are put on hold. Iran finally loses their shit with these honky whack jobs and raises their plutonium enrichment to well beneath the threshold necessary for nuclear weapons to even be an option and suddenly they’re the crazy brown rogue state swinging a saber at the wilting Western World.
This is fucking lunacy and I’m getting sick and tired of people making fucking excuses for Biden’s fucking excuses. “Oh, Biden is in a really precarious position because if he rolls back Trump’s sanctions he’ll be tarred as an appeaser and midterm elections and rable, rable, rable!…” Bullshit. The Republicans are already calling Biden an appeaser for not acting even crazier than Trump did. Biden could drop a fucking A-bomb on Tehran tomorrow and Fox News would call him a pussy while Israel sulks in the corner for not making it a hydrogen one. No more fucking excuses. Everybody without Bibi’s circumcised cock in their ass knows that pulling out of the JCPOA was stupid. So why not just return to the damn thing already?