The Hard Times
MINNEAPOLIS — Members of the Minneapolis Police Department disbanded yesterday to focus on their individual violent side projects, citing creative differences within the force and amongst city officials, a complicit spokesperson confirmed earlier today.
“I was feeling stifled,” bemoaned Lt. Mark Kudlow. “Don’t get me wrong — I love racism. But I was beginning to feel like that’s all we’re doing. It felt stagnant. What if I wanted to hurt women for a change? And not just black women, but like, all women? People ask about a reunion in the future, and I say it’s possible — I still got more dead black people in me. But for now, I just want to focus on making the violence that gets me excited to get out of bed. I’d love to just randomly assault more people with a machine gun.”