Once again, the Babylon Bee remains one of the few serious journalistic outlets around today.

Babylon Bee

U.S.—The party that claims to represent minorities, the poor, the oppressed, and the marginalized has nominated an old, rich, white man and a cop, sources confirmed Tuesday.

“If you want to fight for oppressed minority groups, you must vote for this rich, old, white man who authored the 1994 crime bill and this corrupt police officer who has made a career out of throwing minorities in jail for non-violent drug crimes,” said a DNC spokesperson. “It’s the only way to fight the establishment.”

According to sources at the DNC, the old white guy you’re supposed to vote for, in order to show that you love and respect women, has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior by several women.

“Several photos circulating on the internet demonstrate proof-positive that Joe Biden loves women and children very much,” wrote Snopes, the internet’s premiere fact-checkers.

Campaign analysts believe that the cop bolsters the old, rich, white man’s bid to become President by bringing some much-needed group identity politics, along with her newfound stances on decriminalizing many crimes she formerly prosecuted and defunding much of the police, in a year in which being an old, white man and anti-crime is seen as a hindrance.

“Look, he has even nominated a woman of color to be his Vice President like a true champion for the poor and oppressed would,” reported Brian Stelter of CNN. “Just use your eyes and see: there is only one party in this country for people who care about the downtrodden.”

“Now I can go back on Charlamagne tha God’s program and show him Kamala,” mused Biden to some suddenly panicked staffers.

At publishing time, the DNC was airing ads in flyover country about how the cop they’ve nominated once called herself the “top cop” of California, threatened to arrest parents of truant students, and tried to keep prisoners in jail as long as possible in order to use them for cheap labor, while simultaneously airing ads on the coasts and big cities featuring clips from her interview in which she bragged about how much pot she smoked because she is part Jamaican.

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As if mainstream politicians somehow aren’t involved in “politicizing fear.” Remember the “smoking gun that was going to turn into a mushroom cloud” or “Colon” Powell’s smoke and mirrors show in front of the UN? Or the daily dose of “the Russians are coming” from MSNBC? Or Iran’s non-existent nuclear program?

By Wendy Rhodes

Palm Beach Post

Reba Sherrill of Palm Beach wants to represent Florida in Congress.

The Republican candidate for the District 21 seat presently held by Democrat Lois Frankel said she supports term limits and calls for health care plans to include dental and eye coverage.

Pretty standard campaign stances for Republican candidates. Then, there are Sherrill’s more atypical beliefs.

Sherrill also believes that “pedivores” — or pedophile cannibals — eat babies to get high. And that children as young as six are taught about having sex with animals.

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A very strong case could be made that migration from California is far, far more threatening than immigration from Mexico or the Middle East. When is that “California travel ban” coming? Gotta stop those California caravans.

Aleksey Bashtavenko

Academic Composition

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it” Aristotle

At Academic Composition, we offer a variety of academic services and it is our mission to support you throughout all of your classes, regardless of how basic or sophisticated your courses may be. Whether you are majoring in engineering or communications, you will have to take a healthy dose of “general education” classes. Typically, you will need to complete a number of English courses, a few on cultural studies, some on history, and your university will probably require you to complete a number of seemingly bizarre classes that probably do not belong in a university. Do not be surprised if the professor seems to be pushing a political agenda instead of teaching you how to think critically, indeed, it is not unheard of for an English instructor to lecture students on Maoism instead of teaching them how to analyze literary themes. In this day and age, many professors of literature believe that most of the classical authors such as Shakespeare, John Milton, William Butler Yeats, and other giants of English literature were sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, and so on.

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LOL. This should be Trump’s campaign slogan.

By Justine Coleman

The Hill

The president told Axios’s Jonathan Swan that the COVID-19 pandemic is “under control as much as you can control it” in the U.S.

“They are dying, that’s true. And you have – it is what it is,” Trump said. “But that doesn’t mean we aren’t doing everything we can. It’s under control as much as you can control it. This is a horrible plague.”

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On this day, 2 August 1944, around 4000 Roma people in the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp resisted being taken to the gas chambers. The SS swarmed into the Roma camp, but prisoners had armed themselves with sticks and crowbars, and barricaded themselves indoors, fighting the Nazis with hands and nails. A non-Roma prisoner who survived described that everyone was fighting and that “women [were] the fiercest in their fight” as they were “younger and stronger” than the other detainees and were “protecting their children.”

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The Democraps obvious strategy is obviously to bring the neocons and Never Trumpers into their coalition, along with Wall Street and woke soccer moms while marginalizing whatever minuscule economic left, libertarian, or anti-imperialist sectors they have among their party.

By Ralph Blumenthal and Leslie Kean

New York Times

Despite Pentagon statements that it disbanded a once-covert program to investigate unidentified flying objects, the effort remains underway — renamed and tucked inside the Office of Naval Intelligence, where officials continue to study mystifying encounters between military pilots and unidentified aerial vehicles.

Pentagon officials will not discuss the program, which is not classified but deals with classified matters. Yet it appeared last month in a Senate committee report outlining spending on the nation’s intelligence agencies for the coming year. The report said the program, the Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon Task Force, was “to standardize collection and reporting” on sightings of unexplained aerial vehicles, and was to report at least some of its findings to the public within 180 days after passage of the intelligence authorization act.

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