If Putin Did It: A Hypothetical Defense for a Hypothetical Crime 1

Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

What if Putin did it? That’s the question I’ve been getting a lot of lately. The proverbial ‘it’ being the oft-repeated accusation that the Russian government, under the direction of Czar ubermensch Vladimir Putin, colluded with Donald Trump in the 2016 election. I happen to be one of a handful of people on the left who has never bought into this half baked conspiracy theory, cooked up by Democrats to explain how they lost the White House to a reality TV monster and picked up by the so-called intelligence community to justify their purse shriveling budgets. But still I get asked, usually by some limp-wristed Whole-Foods progressive, what if Putin did it?

Since I’ve grown blue in the face trying to explain to these well intentioned morons that after 18+ months the worst thing that the biggest investigation since Watergate has managed to uncover is a mercenary Slavic clickbait farm and the kind of casual run-ins with Russian oligarchs that are sadly de rigueur for existence in the Washington swamplands, I figured I might as well just answer the goddamn question, which has developed a vibrant new layer of cacophony in the wake of Robert Mueller’s latest wave of baseless indictments against Russian nationals who will never stand trial. So what if Putin did it? I would have to shrug my shoulders and say Karma’s a bitch.

First off, let us dispense of the fairy tale that America is somehow a vibrant and glowing democracy who’s chastity must be defended at all cost. If the 2016 election, a competition between the two most hated creatures in the universe, proved anything it’s that this foul wasteland of a nation has reached near dystopian levels of plutocratic corruption. Two people, who no one likes, became front-runners in a “popular” election because they knew how to suck all the right cocks to get there. Even the ostensive dark horse, one Donald J. Trump, only achieved the coin to compete by hustling his ass for corporate welfare bucks like a two-dollar whore. So, whatever Putin did or didn’t pervert, it wasn’t a goddamn democracy. We lost that decades ago if we ever had it to begin with.

With that being said, what exactly are we accusing Putin of doing? What does the decidedly vague accusation of meddling actually entail. According to the bitching banshees of the DNC and their favorite neocon gumshoe Mueller, the Russians are the source of the “hacked” emails released on Wikileaks proving the already well-known fact that the Democratic establishment rigged the primaries for Hillary. Never mind that a great deal of the ex-intelligence agents who have been weened off the deep state tit have confirmed that all available evidence actually points to a leak within the DNC…. Is the worst accusation the Dems can lob at the Russians really that they told us the truth about our so-called democracy? Oh, lordy! Such treachery. This coming from a party that backed an administration who hacked into our own and everyone else’s emails every fucking day. It’s like a burglar bitching about his ex ripping off his stash. Cry me a fucking river you terminal hypocrites.

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One comment

  1. Clinton was just lazy. Bob Casey and Sherrod Brown show that the Dems can get the blue collar Midwest easier than professional whites in the south since cultural thinking on welfare and social issues is somewhat different in the Midwest than the south. Casey is about 13 points ahead in polls over Lou Barella while Nelson in Florida is o only 4 points ahead.

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