News Updates

Things That Will Absolutely, Definitely, No Doubt Happen in 2023

by James Corbett
January 8, 2023

Predictions, amirite?

Sometimes. But not always.

But then again, you know how I feel about all this prediction stuff by now, right?

Anyway, ’tis the season, and I don’t want to be a party pooper, so here’s a bunch of stuff that will Absolutely, Certainly, No Doubt happen this year.


We all know Big Tech is in Big Trouble at the moment, right?

Well, don’t play the world’s smallest violin for the poor, newly unemployed minions of our digital dictatorship. Instead, rejoice! The Next Big Thing is just around the corner and it’s going to save the tech industry and plunge us further into the coming transhumanist nightmare!

Alright, so the whole “Meta” thing didn’t quite pan out like the Zuckerborg expected.So what? I mean, Elon Musk didn’t become a super-cool, free speech-defending multi-gazillionaire by letting a few spontaneously combusting electric cars or 1,500 dead lab animals get in the way of his plan to brain chip the useless eaters, did he?

Of course he didn’t. And, likewise, we will see Zuckerborg and his fellow FAANGsters regroup in 2023 and unleash their next amazing invention on the world: a phone that will surgically attach itself to your face and embed its metallic tendrils directly into your cerebral cortex!


Categories: News Updates

Leave a Reply