Military

Pentagon worried the ‘Nintendo Generation’ can’t survive boot camp because their bones are weak

“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” ― Socrates

By Task and Purpose

The Department of Defense has once again shown its age and its disdain for those daggon kids and their daggum Nintendos.

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An early February press release, put out by the Military Health System, took aim at 18-to-25-year-olds and suggested that they’re having a hard time making it through boot camp because their bones are brittle from playing too many video games.

“Today’s recruits are coming from a far more sedentary lifestyle compared to previous generations, making their skeletons more prone to injuries because they’re not used to the kind of intense activity they will face at basic training,” reads the release.

But wait, it gets better. The statement even includes a few new Pentagon buzzwords and catchphrases.

“The ‘Nintendo Generation’ soldier skeleton is not toughened by activity prior to arrival, so some of them break more easily,” said Maj. Jon-Marc Thibodeau, a clinical coordinator at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. (Side note: “Nintendo Generation soldier skeleton” is an excellent idea for a band name or a DARPA project.)

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