Sexuality and the State

A Kinky Cure for a Cruel World

Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

Valentine’s Day is a bitch for the weirdos and trust me dearest motherfuckers, they don’t come much weirder than me. I’ve long fancied myself a hopeless romantic with a heavy emphasis on the hopeless angle, but lets face it, I’m a freak; a pervert, a sicko, a degenerate. I don’t have a fetish. My whole goddam sexuality is one ginormous fucking fetish and it always has been. Before my gender transition, when I refused to accept that I wasn’t a man, I was a hardcore submissive, what shrinks would classify as a masochist. My sexuality was governed by the idea of being manhandled by a woman a third of my size; being pushed, slapped, shoved, tied up, and generally punished for being born into the wrong gender. Climax usually came for me after having a woman with the body I desired in ways I was terrified to admit step and sit on my face and piss in my mouth. Ain’t love grand?

As I began to transition into the woman I’ve always really been however, my perversions transformed too. I became a dominant, the big bad bitch in control of someone cisgender’s beautiful female body. I wanted complete control of the women I loved, if only in the bedroom. This made me feel despicable, and sometimes it still does. As a transgender feminist, I adore women. I revere them as the ultimate archetype of anarchist resistance to a backwards society. A flaming star in the shape of the girl who bleeds strength through unfiltered vulnerability. What kind of sick fucking bastard would want to cage and tame something so pure? What in Kali’s name is wrong with me?

That’s society talking. The two headed beast of psychiatry and organized religion which has not only carefully trained us to believe that all but the most regimented forms of procreation are pure sickness, but that they can only be cured through their authoritarian regimes. I spent a decade being stepped on by the Catholic Church and pissed on by the DSM. These giants of totalitarian dominance taught me from an unspeakably young age that my body was a disease only they could cure. I took thousands of cold showers trying to scrub my body clean and cried myself to sleep believing that these feelings, the ones the priests and psychiatrists taught me to feel, doomed me to an eternity in hell. Is it really any wonder that my budding young sexuality developed into a flower with a crooked and thorny stem? Jesus may or may not want me for his sunbeam, but it was his idiot followers who made me a pervert.

READ MORE

1 reply »

Leave a Reply