By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

Is it just me or do white people kind of suck lately? I mean more than usual. That’s not racist, I use to be one. I sort of still am, I guess. More on that later. It kind of seems like white folk have fallen into two equally obnoxious sub-species. There’s the White Alpha Douche, bitching like a 13 year old emo kid that he’s the real victim because everybody else is playing the fucking victim card and that’s his card. Then there’s the equally tiresome Squishy White Apology Addict, who’s just terribly terribly sorry about all the savagery his ancestors have dished out to minorities, but now he looks to the Noble Savages and Magical Negroes to show him how to walk and talk and censor people like me for not stepping in line. He’s probably banning me again from Facebook as we speak for self-identifying as a tranny and patting himself on the back for being part of the solution.

Both of these unbearable archetypes are offensively one dimensional and, lets face it, downright racist in their shallow world view. The first one blames all the world’s woes on people of color, and the second relies completely on this same coalition of minorities to save him from his ancestral evil ways. Black folks have enough trouble getting home from the grocery store without getting shot full of ketamine and chucked in the back of a police cruiser without having to choose between smacking us or holding our hand. Why can’t we just get our shit together? Well, believe it or not, it’s not all our fault. Not exactly anyway.

You see, dearest motherfuckers, white people are a race without an ethnicity. These two words get switched around a lot, especially by cantankerous racial renegades like yours truly, but most sociologists essentially view ethnicity as some one’s cultural heritage while race is merely the aesthetic nonsense that cops and porn producers fixate on, namely skin color. So we’ll roll with that definition for this post. I don’t think it should be controversial to say that race is silly bullshit that has sadly become deadly bullshit. But ethnicity is very important. It tells us where we’ve been and helps guide us to where we’re going, like a Jungian compass, and white people, as a group, just don’t have one. That’s because white is not an ethnicity. It’s merely a ludicrously broad and inherently globalist blanket race. A race that seems to thrive on the suffocation of ethnic individuality both from within and without its strict confines.

The concept of whiteness is a relatively recent one. The Oxford Dictionary puts it back somewhere in the late 1600s, which unironically was a time of great civil unrest in America’s colonies. Before whiteness, everything was defined by traditional English nobility and Protestant Christian zealotry. Nobody identified as white and the only permanent slaves were those who refused to convert from their indigenous heathen ways to what empires had mangled Christianity into. There were indentured servants of every color, Black Africans, American Indians, Irishmen, and even English commoners, but as long as they assimilated to the violence of colonial order, they too could have a piece of that bloody pie. It wasn’t altogether unusual to have a slave, even an African slave, work his way up to landowner status and own slaves of his own. (Women and gender non-conforming folk of any shade were still fucked though.)

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