Is Judgement Day coming tomorrow?

A notice to all who plan on being raptured tomorrow: Feel free to sign over to me anything you feel will be unnecessary in the Kingdom to come. If you have a house, car, bank account, cash on hand, precious metals, rare jewels, rare exotic animals, antiquities, web domain name with high value, real property, private jet, firearms collections, or a multimillion dollar corporation in your possession, obviously there be will no need for these things in the celestial city with its mansions of glory and streets of gold. Meanwhile, I’ll be able to put these things to good use during the Tribulation. We anarchists, heretics, heathens, infidels, and un-American commie-fascist swine here at ATS will need all the resources we can to battle the Antichrist when he comes. Bootlegging counterfeited marks of the beast probably won’t raise the level of capital we’ll certainly need for such a monumental project. You can commence sending the donations and the necessary legal paperwork immediately. Meanwhile, say hello to my old buddy J.C. for me. It’s been a while.