Why I’m Glad I Actually Did It

Among Gen Z, that figure jumps to a striking 63 percent.1

As someone who began this journey myself at the end of 2023, when my husband and I purchased land and a tiny structure to renovate in southern Italy, I believe these Americans are onto something.

What saddens me is that it’s come to this. Moving to another country is no small undertaking, and there’s no good reason why people in the world’s wealthiest nation should be struggling so profoundly that leaving feels like their only path to happiness.

And yet, here we are.

After traveling back and forth to the southern Italian region of Puglia throughout 2024, I made the full-time move in January once I’d secured my digital nomad visa, which allows me to live in Italy year-round.

My bottom line: moving was absolutely the right decision, and I’m madly in love with where I live.

I feel physically and mentally better. I sleep better. I worry less. When I read the news from the US now, it looks crazier and crazier. I don’t know if it’s getting worse or if it just looks worse from where I’m sitting. The mass shootings alone look utterly deranged, especially living in a country that has never had a single one.

I don’t worry about surprise medical expenses like the repeated root canals I endured in the US, with the last one costing $8,000. I spend zero minutes fighting with health insurance companies because these kinds of companies don’t stand between me and health care in Italy.2

Seeing my doctor costs 50 euros3—though he’s never let me pay, which is another story—and once I’m on the Italian healthcare system, it will be free after I pay about a thousand dollars a year to be in the system. I had a root canal that was practically free by US standards and the treatment was flawless. I pray that if I get seriously sick, it happens in Italy and not when I’m visiting the US, where a car accident or medical emergency could wipe out my savings or worse.

I live on six acres of stunning land in the countryside. I do my morning walks by the ocean and go for regular swims. There is nowhere in the US that looks like that that I could ever afford. I’m able to do the work I love—writing—because living here is affordable enough that I don’t have to take a soul-destroying job just to cover basic expenses, as I did in the US.

One reason it’s so affordable is that I’m in the south of Italy, which has experienced a population drain as people move to cities. Another reason is that I live in a truly tiny home of 300 square feet, which is all part of this experiment of trying to live in a simpler, less consumerist way.

Being in the country means fewer amenities than I’m used to after living in cities my whole adult life. I’m absolutely okay with that, but I mention it for anyone contemplating a similar move to be realistic about what they need to have access to wherever they are living.

If you’re seriously thinking of moving, my basic advice is to do extensive research.

There are Instagram accounts dedicated to moving abroad and Facebook groups for expats where you can ask questions.

I noticed in the Harris poll that Americans mostly want to move to English-speaking countries like the UK or Canada. This is understandable due to language, but I urge people to dig deeper. These countries have changed dramatically in recent decades, much like the US.

Where I live in Italy, the expat community is mostly from the UK, and what they fled doesn’t sound that different from America: economic pressure, social breakdown, hustle culture, political dysfunction.

Would I rather live in the UK than the US? Yes, if only to escape America’s nonstop gun violence. But it wouldn’t be anywhere near the top of my list, especially not London, which sounds like any US city at this point—people overworked, economically stressed, generally unhappy. Like the US, loneliness is considered a major public health challenge there.

If you feel intimidated about moving somewhere where you don’t speak the language, I’d suggest going somewhere where people are kind about it. Italy is one of those places. Not speaking Italian has been less of a problem than I expected.

I should say I’m working hard to learn, but I have a long way to go. The main downside is that it limits my relationships to English speakers (including some Italians who lived abroad), though I don’t see that as permanent. If I spoke Italian, the move would have been easier, but for day-to-day life, it’s surprisingly manageable because Italians are so friendly and happy to communicate through miming or Google Translate.

The biggest stress by far that I’ve experienced has been renovating the trullo.

This isn’t unique to Italy—renovations anywhere are incredibly stressful—but the person who caused me the most anxiety throughout this process was actually an American. (There’s more to say about this, but I’m still processing it and will share that story when the time is right.)

This leads me to important advice: Be cautious about expats from English-speaking countries offering services to help with your transition. The most reliable people I worked with were all Italians. The one exception was my Lebanese architect and designer, who is beyond fabulous.

The best approach is to spend time in your prospective destination, build relationships with locals, and ask them for recommendations for people to help you with the transition. (For Italy, I have included recommendation in pieces linked below).

Be wary of English-speaking expats who frequent the expat social media groups. I’m not saying they’re all problematic—I’m simply saying that locals understand the landscape far better than any expat and that some of these people are actually grifters who will rip you off or worse. Plus, supporting local businesses strengthens the community you’re hoping to join.

I’ve wondered if it would have been better to rent an apartment for a year before becoming a landowner and renovator of a very old structure. I go back and forth on it. On the one hand, it might have eased the transition. On the other, I learned about living in Italy in a totally different way by going through this process. And renovations are nightmarish everywhere on earth, so more time in the country wouldn’t have changed that.

The other complaints I hear from expats don’t bother me: having to learn the language, not understanding how things work, and the lack of American-style convenience. I’ll happily trade convenience for no gun violence and zero fear of medical bankruptcy.

That said, every now and then, I discover that something seemingly simple has been made inexplicably difficult by the Italian government. My most recent experience was trying to get a document from my mother’s estate notarized. After weeks of calls and investigation, I learned that to get it apostilled, I’d have to register my signature with the government, have the document translated by an approved translator, and wait more than a month, since it was summer and everything was powering down.

My Italian assistant suggested trying to have it done online, and score one for the US: from the time I googled “online notarization USA” to receiving a notarized document, only 15 minutes passed.

People often ask if I feel lonely here. The answer is yes.

Starting out in a new place is hard, especially for an introvert like me. I hate small talk, and small talk is part of meeting people. So I’m slowly building a community and have a few people I consider friends.

A particularly good way to meet people where I am is through a group run by an Italian woman for “expats and internationally minded Italians.” The internationally minded Italians usually have lived abroad in the UK or US and speak English. I participated regularly for the first few months before settling into a quieter routine but I still pop into these events from time to time.

I made great friends through this group and separately befriended a few Italians. If you’re an outgoing person, this could be a tremendous opportunity to build a new circle of friends. As part of your research, try to attend expat events before moving to see if there’s a community you’ll connect with.

While making new friends in midlife can feel daunting, expat hubs flip the script. You’re surrounded by people who are also starting fresh, equally eager to build new friendships and create community from scratch.

I should be clear that when I say I feel lonely here, it’s not the same as what I felt in the US, which was a kind of existential dread. It felt hopeless because the issue wasn’t that I didn’t know enough people; the issue was that American culture so overwhelms people that there’s little time for unscheduled hangouts. Even socializing becomes a stressor in a way it just doesn’t here.

Last minute invitations are commonplace. I don’t deal with the complex scheduling schemes for friend get togethers that are typical in the US. My friends in Italy find the idea that friends in the US send each other calendar invites super strange. Nobody ever cancels plans unless they are legitimately sick; like bed ridden sick. I’ve never had a person cancel plans because of a work commitment, which happens all the time in the US because employers have no boundaries.

I guess I feel that the occasional loneliness I feel in Italy seems appropriate. It makes sense. I’ve only been here ten months. I’m away from my husband. I don’t speak the language yet. When I feel this way, sitting in an olive grove, taking a dip in the ocean, or walking through one of the beautiful historic towns near me feeds my soul.

This is what I wanted: to learn a new way to live.

And that’s exactly what I got.

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