RIO DE JANEIRO — The international scientific community was thrown into disarray last night after Dr. Osvaldo Ramalho of the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro (UFRJ) unveiled what he calls the first perpetual selfie machine.

According to Ramalho, the device is capable of snapping a photo every 0.3 seconds, 24 hours a day, indefinitely — without ever needing a recharge. The machine is powered by a hybrid reactor fueled with açaí pulp and powdered guaraná, an energy source once thought impossible outside the fringe laboratories of Brazil’s “Experimental Carnival” movement.

“Humanity’s greatest dilemma has finally been solved: how to post selfies without ever stopping to plug in your phone,” Ramalho declared, while holding up the contraption during a press conference that streamed live on YouTube — and promptly crashed after generating four terabytes of photos of his own nose.

Critics are already warning of catastrophic consequences. “If even one influencer hooks this machine up to Instagram, the planet could drown in a tidal wave of infinite stories,” said Maria do Céu, a researcher at PUC-Rio.

Brazil’s Ministry of Science and Technology has yet to decide whether the invention should be classified as an intangible cultural treasure of the nation or as an imminent threat to national security. In the meantime, Dr. Ramalho has filed for a patent and intends to market the device under the brand name “EternaSelfie 3000™.”

Leaked reports suggest that beta versions have already been sent to Brasília, where politicians are racing each other to see who can clog their followers’ feeds first.

Full story: www.jornalcientifico24h.com.br/ufrj-selfie-perpetua