From The Transmetropolitan Review

Hello? Are you there? It’s me, Barabule Cuterescu, your friendly Moldovan potato, currently lying frozen in the ground in a small village in northeastern Romania, otherwise known as the Moldova region. If this is your first time meeting me, just know I was roped into writing about Romania close to five years ago now, and this will be my final dispatch to you losers in the US, given that you basically live in Romania now, but only worse: you live in Russia in 1993, and you are about to picked clean by the vultures of avarice.