The journey is the destination

Edward Slavsquat

Jun 25, 2023

The excitement was electric. Muscovites were pawning their most prized Beanie Babies in hopes of raising the necessary funds to buy a ticket.

It was going to be the fight of the millennium.

Shoigu, the Terror of Tuva, specialized in the ancient art of Tuvan spoon-bending (when you bill the government 1 million rubles to bend a spoon, then outsource this task to a quadriplegic for 50 rubles, and pocket the difference).

Prigozhin, known by his millions of fans as the Kleptocratic Cook, was world-famous for his signature “move”—mercilessly nibbling on the toes of his opponents until they tapped out, bleeding and humiliated. These are the facts.

Dana White was waiting patiently in the Octagon that he built with his bare hands. The clock was ticking. But the fight was canceled. Maybe some other time if it can be rescheduled, time permitting.

A small but impressively speedy army of mercenaries came within 200 km (124 miles) of Moscow yesterday evening. They stopped, had a cig, or maybe a nice refreshing hookah, and turned back.

Their leader, who vowed to punish the evil deeds of Russia’s military leadership, was banished to Belarus. You could do worse, honestly.

I don’t think it is necessary to give a detailed play-by-play of what occurred on June 24. Undoubtedly, you have already been bashed over the head with millions of BREAKING NEWS updates, salacious and completely unconfirmed rumors, and various other morsels of “information” that are, on the whole, entirely useless.

(We will discuss a few important details being ignored by Western alt media, but more on that later.)

The most important Update is that Lukashenko mediated a deal, and the mutiny, or insurrection, or coup d’état, or 11D psyop—what happened yesterday goes by many different names—came to a screeching halt.

What was in this deal? As per tradition, the proles are never told, but Peskov revealed a few details:

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