Culture Wars/Current Controversies

Fuck the Parents, What About A Children’s Bill of Rights?

By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

“What about the children!” This has been the shrill clarion call of hysterical Karens on both sides of the aisle for generations. “What about the children!” A sure fire response to any politically incorrect question that would otherwise require a level of critical thinking that fails to translate into a conveniently empty-handed partisan soundbite. “But hasn’t prohibition already been a spectacular failure?” “What about the children!” “But isn’t putting the federal government in charge of regulating social media already a form of fascism?” “What about the children!” It never fails to torpedo any inconvenient conversation in a colossal shit-fit of bombastic virtue signaling and the worst part about this bit is that it might actually be a pretty good goddamn question if anyone actually bothered to use it for anything but political sabotage. So, what about those children?

The sick thing is that the same people who use children as a rhetorical broadsword against their political opponents could care less about the rights of young people and you can put today’s Republican Party at the top of that sad list with bullet. “What about the children!” has been adopted as the official war cry for the GOP’s latest jihad to retake the House, only this time they barely even pretend to acknowledge the existence of their conveniently voiceless scapegoats, skipping right over their children’s heads and screeching “What about the parents!” instead.

After a couple of years of high-powered right-wing think tanks and super-pacs fomenting irate suburban soccer moms over looming paper tigers like Critical Race Theory and Transgenderism, House Minority Leader and would-be Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy has rolled out a Republican manifesto called the Commitment to America, the cornerstone of which is a so-called Parent’s Bill of Rights, seeking to empower hopped up guardians against the inevitable scourge of their offspring developing minds of their own.

The document boldly states, “Parents, not the state, have primary authority for raising their children and the organs of the state, including public schools, serve rather than rule the parent.” But what about those children that you speak of with all the tender love and care of a lease for a pre-owned Hyundai? Why don’t children have the right to not be ruled by the organs of the state or the grandstanding parents that they already jealously serve? How did the Civil Rights Movement skip over an entire class of Americans that we were all once a part of? Forgive me for being frank but fuck the parents, what about a children’s bill of rights?

What about a child’s right to roam the streets of their own neighborhoods freely, untethered by what essentially amounts to parental leash laws. Kids can’t even ride their bikes to the nearest vacant lot without being hassled by strangers with candy in blue and white vans for going dangerously unsupervised for five goddamn minutes. Childhood has become a soul crushingly captive experience that affords young people with zero time unaccosted by meddling adults.

Zero time to climb trees, skin their knees, break bottles or experiment with the girl across the street. The wonder years have been affectively colonized by a level of round the clock surveillance that makes any right to privacy young people once had a pipe dream at best. This infringes on a supposedly Constitutional right to peacefully assemble, most egregiously with totally arbitrary curfews that have been statistically proven to be totally ineffective at preventing any crime but the freedom of movement.


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