Anti-Imperialism/Foreign Policy

Why I’m Still (Kind of) Rooting for China in the New Cold War

By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

Surfing through the news, it seems like every other motherfucker and his brother is flipping their proverbial wig over the supposedly literal threat China poses to the future of western civilization. Over on the center-right of what passes for the left in this country, we have our very own dear leader, Old Man Biden, hitting every summit from Geneva to the Country Kitchen Buffet, talking up his great power competition between the autocrats and the autocrats who pretend to be democracies and owe us money. Flip the channel farther to the right and you have neocon hose-bags foaming at the mouth because Biden isn’t throwing enough battleships into somebody else’s fucking ocean. Even America First true believers like Tucker Carlson have forfeited their trendy isolationist pose to call for total war against those sneaky batfuckers in the Chinese Communist Party. They’re all so damn pissed off at each other that sometimes you can lose site of the fact that they’re all scared shitless of the same evil empire and this time it’s not an act.

There is a very twisted part of me that views this partisan circus with sick glee and shouts from the gallows, “Good! It’s about fucking time you capitalist motherfuckers got shoved in your place by a boogeyman strong enough push back hard!” You see dearest motherfuckers, before Snarling Nicky embraced the evils of the free market and became the genderfuck anarchist muckraker you know and love to hate, I was a pissed off agoraphobic tankie, cutting pictures of Putin into hearts from the safety of my closet. By my early twenties, I had become so furious watching American regime after American regime mow down Third World countries like dandelions that I was willing to embrace any motherfucker who could actually put up a fight. I cheered and roared with laughter watching Russia punk out my imperial homeland from Georgia to Crimea. I welcomed the meteoric rise of BRICS and Eurasia with open arms. As far as I was concerned, anything was better than another genocidal American Century, and sometimes I’m still tempted to feel this way.

I now do my damnedest to resist such petty urges because I realize now how fucking stupid I had been. I had bought into the same shallow neocon comic book view of the globe. I just decided to root for the villains instead of the superheroes, but they’re all fucking villains. Vladimir Putin isn’t the second coming of Vladimir Lenin. He’s just another neoliberal oligarch who just happens to be a little craftier on strategy than his drunken predecessor, Boris Yeltsin. And China isn’t some shining beacon of hope in a dim world. In spite of their commie pose, they’re just another gutter capitalist empire looking to make a buck off the back of the nearest prole within whipping distance. Yet even with this sobering foresight, I still can’t help but to root for a Chinese victory in our new cold war. Only my reasons now are far more Machiavellian than Sputnik leftist.

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