My Own Private Utopia

By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

Believe it or not, dearest motherfuckers, these can be depressing times for an upstart genderfuck anarchist like myself and not just because I have depression. On the 52nd Pride Month, this bastard nation seems to be divided up along partisan lines between mouth frothing open bigots who think people like me are out to castrate their children and do-gooder, virtue signaling, rainbow capitalists hocking sweatshop t-shirts with pink triangles on them and calling it progress. It’s in maddening times like these that I like to escape to daydreams about distant utopias; imaginary futures where the world makes more sense and doesn’t hurt so goddamn much to think about.

It’s probably my hobby of utopian daydreaming that lead me to panarchy; a school of stateless thought that looks to a future of a diverse array of anarchist societies rather than preaching the virtues of a single monolithic vision for the future. Panarchy calls for the coexistence of an endless selection of competing utopias that can be based on quite literally anything so long as they remain completely voluntary in nature. You get to pick your government the way you would a church or a social club. So who do you wanna be? How do you wanna live? Do you want to be a Moorish Islamo-anarchist marauder in a pirate paradise on the high seas? Or a primitive communist agrarian, toiling off the grid on a rice paddy collective in the year zero. The possibilities are endless. But I’ll tell you my two favorite utopian daydreams if you promise not to judge.

The first is one I’ve been toying with for years, long before I burst out of the closet shooting, but it’s still one of my favorites. I call it the Emerald Belt Project. The basic idea is that once western civilization collapses, a population of outlaw pilgrims can recolonize some of the more abandoned cities of the Rustbelt and turn massive vacant factories and warehouses into colossal hydroponic indoor grow operations for cannabis and opium with the Great Lakes as a ready source of irrigation, all of which would be organized under the direct democracy of green syndicalism. We could produce enough dope to put both the Emerald Triangle and the Taliban out of business and we’d use the money to foster a true workers paradise of collective high rises, community gardens, and stateless welfare along with a civilian militia well armed and trained enough to take on even the hardiest of post-apocalyptic neo-Nazi marauders.


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