News in Brief Republican Leaders Claim New Yorkers Will Greet U.S. Military As Liberators

The Onion

WASHINGTON—In response to continued unrest in the devastated region, Republican leaders reportedly claimed Thursday that New Yorkers would greet the United States military as liberators. “We have every reason to believe that the people of New York will welcome the American military as saviors,” said senator Tom Cotton (R-AR), noting there is evidence to suggest that New Yorkers will rise up in droves to fight alongside the U.S. armed forces to topple the oppressive Cuomo regime. “Will civilians lose their lives? Of course, but ultimately, I believe the people of New York will accept those casualties as simply a means to an end in the pursuit of state building. We believe that a secure, stable, and democratic New York is within reach, but peace in the Northeast can only be achieved through force.” At press time, GOP leaders claimed that Operation Manhattan Freedom was a success after residents pulled down the Statue of Liberty.


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