HW: Death of a Dick 2

By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

It seems like just last week we finally fucking buried John McCain’s stinking corpse and it’s already time for another 24/7, month long, imperial funeral marathon. Since the very second former president and well known war criminal George HW Bush finally dropped dead (What was he, like 900?), every channel from CNN to Nickelodeon has been surgically attached to his decomposing dick. “Oh, what a great man!” “What an American hero!” “His breath smelled like roses and his jizz tasted like mayonnaise!” Judging by the coverage, you would have thought the man cured fucking cancer rather than twiddling his thumbs while a whole generation of queer people died of a plague he refused to even address so he could keep cutting checks from those Millennarian fag-bashers in the Christian Right, OH WHAT A HERO!…

We’re all told how humble our 41st president was, yet his obnoxiously opulent funeral put some of the African dictators he bankrolled to shame with all the subtlety of a goddamn Master P video. Pre-pubescent quires and blazing guns and fluttering doves and balling bitches. I’m surprised they didn’t drag his gilded casket away behind a solid gold tank. I’ve seen North Korean missile parades with more modesty. The bastard even had some saccharine Josh Groban knock-off warbling philosophic about his Greek godlike achievements- “He swung his golden sword, and spilt blood for our lord, and when he unsheathed his dong, his interns swore it twas a gourd…” I would have burst out laughing if I didn’t have to swallow a mouthful of vomit.

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2 comments

  1. My thoughts on Bush aside, the people insulting Sully should be roughly fucked up the ass by a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Bear in mind, most of those people write for Slate, so they’d probably enjoy it. Better use vegan lube though.

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