Why keeping things in perspective makes life so much easier

In a world where it can feel like we have no control over anything, this series focuses on the areas we do. Click here for the first entry.

I spent much of my life as a perfectionist without even realizing it.

I would overthink everything and lived with a nagging feeling that no matter how well I did something, I could have done it better with a little more time or resources. No amount of praise could release me from this conviction.

Living like this was a nightmare, even if I was completely unaware of this fact in real time.

Weirdly, if you had asked me if I was a perfectionist, I would have said no. I truly thought that it was just normal behavior to pull an all nighter to make my work project as “perfect” as possible.

I didn’t find it strange that I wouldn’t allow myself to change clothing sizes but would instead go through cycles of starving and binging to maintain my “perfect” size.

Eventually, I realized that while this kind of behavior had been normalized by American culture, it actually was not normal.

I had to do a lot of healing and unlearning of problematic beliefs and replace them with healthier ones.

One of those—don’t let perfect be the enemy of good—became a guiding mantra. It has stopped me from falling into many a perfectionist spiral.

My new lodestar became “good enough” or “better than the alternative” rather than “perfect.”

Part of the reason this is such a great notion is that there really is no such thing as perfect. It’s a completely subjective matter; in the end, people don’t care if what you do is perfect. In fact, if you are always doing things “perfectly,” it’s a bit annoying and offputting.

Even for people who aren’t perfectionists, this philosophy of embracing “good enough” is helpful.

So many of us get caught up when making decisions or publishing an essay because we are waiting for it to be precisely how we want it. We want better conditions or more information before making the decision; we want a few more days to polish an already quite good essay, if not great.

This concept also forces you to have perspective, something many of us lose when we get too focused on wanting a specific outcome or have very particular expectations.

Having perspective means comparing what we have to the alternative, not to some imaginary perfect existence. It also helps us see the cost of striving for perfection and missing out on enjoying what’s actually quite good.

This practice has been critical for me in my move to Italy. Whatever frustrations I’ve had, I always remind myself they are minor compared to how I felt living in the US, and totally worth it to live in such a beautiful country near the ocean and surrounded by incredible nature and ancient towns.

At times, it’s been lonely, but then I remember I experienced intense loneliness in the US, and there was no end in sight. I wasn’t lonely because I didn’t have friends. I was lonely because everyone was so busy, and getting together took so much scheduling that I rarely saw my friends. In Italy, I know a fraction of the number of people I know in DC, but somehow, I have a more busy social life.

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When I took Lucy to the vet in Italy, we were there for hours. My friend, who went with me to help translate, said, “Doesn’t this bother you? Americans usually get upset about these kinds of waits.”

I wasn’t remotely upset or annoyed because I got excellent care for Lucy and paid the equivalent of $60 for what would have cost a minimum of $500 in the US. Also—I’m living in Italy and spending a long time at the vet is a small concession for all I have gained.

To be clear, I’m not talking about fake or toxic positivity.

Having perspective actually isn’t meant to make you see things more positively. What it does is help you right-size situations and see things more accurately.

Without perspective, I would have forgotten all the times I’ve waited forever to see the vet in the US. Or I would have remembered that I found a vet where I see the doctor promptly but forgotten about the part where the entire visit lasts 10 minutes and somehow always costs $500, no matter how little they do.

It’s easy to romanticize the alternatives without considering the cost-benefit analysis.

Or maybe you are dealing with something legitimately stressful. Overseeing renovations on a hundred-year-old building has come with so much frustration and stress that there were times when I felt ready to just give up (more on this soon). Since I’ve been here, I’ve also had family and financial stress.

But when I have perspective, I remember that stress is a normal part of life.

There is no place you can go and not experience stress. What I don’t have is chronic stress— because I no longer live in a culture that makes everything difficult, whether it is connecting with friends, finding time to rest, affording a house, or feeling physically safe.

What I have is not perfect—but it’s pretty great and that’s more than enough for me.

Some things to consider:

• What steps are you not taking because you are waiting for the “perfect” moment?
• What would happen if you started making “good” your target? What business would you start; what essay would you write; what country would you move to?
• What helps you gain perspective? How can you use perspective to see a current situation differently?

Recommend Changing The Channel with Kirsten Powers to your readers

New York Times bestselling author Kirsten Powers offers fresh thinking about how we can make big changes in our lives, communities and country.