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Dissociated Press

Rabbi Schmuckly Slaughterstein of the Anti-Anti-Antidefamation League (AAADL) testified at Congressional Anti-Anti-Antisemitism hearings, saying that it isn’t enough to be against antisemitism, but that everyone needs to go even further and oppose anti-anti-antisemitism.

“Antisemitism isn’t really much of a problem,” the rabbi told Congress. “Nobody since the 19th century has viewed the Jews as a ‘semitic’ race, and nobody since World War II has effectively opposed Jewish plans for genocide and world domination.”

So what’s the real problem? “Anti-anti-antisemitism!”

Come again?

“We need everyone to be a card-carrying anti-antisemite,” he explained. “In other words, we need them to believe that antisemitism is a problem, so they will give us everything we ask for on a proverbial silver platter.”

But anti-antisemitism is neither as universal nor as fervent as it needs to be, Slaughterstein said. “We are facing a gravely urgent crisis. More and more people are being exposed to anti-anti-antisemitic websites and social media channels. These anti-anti-antisemites deny that antisemitism is a serious problem. That complicates our extermination of Amalek. If people aren’t brainwashed into believing the Jews are spotless, innocent victims who have been hated by everyone for no reason whatsoever throughout 3000 years of history, how are we going to convince them to let us mass-murder tens of thousands of women and children?”

In the wake of the rabbi’s ultimatum, all 534 members of Congress who are not named Thomas Massie signed a statement supporting anti-anti-anti-antisemitism and calling for all anti-anti-antisemites to be deported.