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The 12-Step Plan to Restore American Machismo

Gavin McInnes explains how.
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While getting drunk last night, I noticed a young man had plonked his sports bottle down on the bar like it was a gun and we were in the Wild West. I asked him what the fuck was up with that, and he explained he’d brought it with him to stay hydrated. “What you’re carrying is pussy kryptonite,” I said as Gran Torino-esquely as possible before adding, “Not only will you not get laid tonight, but you just blew it for your two friends there.” The bartender told me to mind my own business as I tried to explain the difference between bullying (picking on physical traits) and benevolence (telling someone what to throw in the garbage). Before the debate could be settled, his friend ordered a gin and tonic with lime, and I walked away in disgust.

I’m no Übermensch. I don’t know where the transmission is on a car and I’m not sure I’ve ever won a fight, but I have laid my fair share of fair ladies and can tell you that the American male’s infantilization has gone so far, it’s basically back in the womb.

Here are twelve essential tips to help get our nation’s testosterone levels back above sea level:

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