Following news that Iran’s government convened their top psychologists and psychiatrists to treat US president Donald Trump, the Tehran-based psychiatric team announced that Trump is “making excellent progress” and appears to be relinquishing key delusions and regaining rudimentary reality-testing. According to the Tehran-based mental health team, Trump’s recent statements indicating a remission of psychosis include:
*It’s perfectly fine for Iran to have missiles. In fact, “it’s a little unfair for Iran not to have some.”
*It’s perfectly fine for Iran to have a nuclear program including enriched uranium.
*We actually do need that Hormuz oil…very badly.
*The person of interest in the murder of 168 people at the Minab school is Pete Hegseth.
*We need to return Iran’s $150 billion that we’ve been holding for them, and that if we don’t return it, nobody will ever trust us again and “the dollar is dead.” “We have taken a lot of their money. It’s not our money. It’s their money.”
*Israel is dropping buildings on top of civilians in Beirut, “so unfair.”
*”Hamas has actually behaved pretty well.”
*Netanyahu is “f*ing crazy” and ought to be in prison, and “everybody hates Israel.”
The Tehran-based mental health professionals, citing these and other relatively sane statements from Trump, billed the US government $300 billion for their services. “I know it sounds like a lot,” explained Dr. Kookoo Shrin-kar, “but when the most powerful man on Earth is completely off his rocker, helping him regain at least some slight semblance of sanity is…priceless.”
Dr. Shrin-kar said that for another $300 billion the Iranian psychiatrists would consider treating Netanyahu, but since the prognosis is poor the Jews might be well-advised to save a few shekels by shelling out for a straitjacket and a cell in the nearest prison for the criminally insane.
