By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit
Exile in Happy Valley
Donald Trump has to be stopped. The man is a menace to democracy with an insatiable appetite for debauchery, a geriatric career gangster with a rap sheet longer than his Freudian phallic tie. The bastard has left a gruesome trail of mutilated corpses in shallow graves from Atlantic City to Jerusalem and has grievously molested nearly as many institutions as he has teenage sex workers with his greasy little orange pussy grabbers. His crimes have all been absurdly well publicized and flamboyantly brazen, yet somehow all the available polls seem to indicate that this Hammer House monster of a political supervillain could very well take the White House back with a vengeance again in 2024. The mind boggles at such madness. How? How could any sane human being possibly justify voting for such an unapologetically revolting sewer mutant?
The answer is actually pretty simple, because Joe Biden has to be stopped. After all isn’t he also a geriatric career gangster with an insatiable appetite for debauchery? Pretty much every mortal sin that Donald Trump has ever committed, Joe Biden has committed at least twice. The man is a barely veiled racist sexual predator and serial plagiarist who has built a seemingly endless career pushing Black children in front of armored police trucks before posing for selfies with Bono and telling a crowded Baptist church that he was the first white member of the Jackson Five.
And now that crusty old bitch has added full-blown dementia to his routine. This is why the Democrats store him in a warehouse freezer in Delaware for most of the year and only cart him out when the wreckage of his administration needs to be publicly surveyed in order to prevent an all-out riot. The reasonably dire need to stop a creature like Donald Trump is the only reason why a creature like Joe Biden is even in the White House and the equally reasonably dire need to stop Joe Biden is simultaneously making Donald Trump’s seemingly unthinkable return to the scene of the crime a very real possibility.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is American democracy in 2024 and everybody is doing it. While polls show the two grabbiest perverts in the convalescent home neck in neck in their crawl to the White House, they also show a country horrified by these options with CNN finding more people who despise both of these candidates than anybody who actually likes either one of them. This is the rotten fruit of the lesser of two evils, that despicably American fetish shoved down ever bored teenager’s throat by jingoistic civics teachers since Jefferson was in nipple clamps.
“There are only two monsters to choose from and you have to vote for whichever one nauseates you the least, otherwise you forfeit the right to bitch about getting raped by one of them at your local drinking hole for the next four years.” Fuck you, Mr. Fitzgerald, stop living in my skull. This is the twisted reasoning that has led us to a contest between the two most hated and depraved plutocrats since the last two war criminals who ran for Duce and Americans are beginning to resemble what they vote for.
In every living room, bar, and hair salon across the country you will find perfectly decent working-class human beings mounting passionate defenses for increasingly heinous crimes in the name of American democracy. You will find loving stay-at-home moms defending Donald Trump’s attempts to shred the votes of other loving stay-at-home moms because Joe Biden had his flunkies in the media kick sand over the latest escapades of his crackhead son. You will hear hippie peaceniks justify Biden sending cluster munitions to Ukraine because Trump sold worse to the Saudis. This is sick and it just keeps getting worse. The lesser of two evils is nothing more than a mask of sanity to place on the face of an insatiable imperial beast, the kind of moral parlor trick that serves as the cornerstone for any psychopath and that is precisely the path that Americans have chosen.