By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit
Exile in Happy Valley
Nancy Pelosi has broken a lot of glass ceilings, or at least that’s what her cheerleaders in the mainstream media are constantly shouting at me from my tv and I guess they’re technically correct. After all, she is the first female Speaker of the House and the first woman to lead a party like a fucking corporation. Over the last twenty years, Nancy Pelosi has been instrumental in making sure that the Democratic Party remains every bit as filthy, corrupt and debased as their macho Republican cousins and she managed to achieve this mountainous feat during the height of the GOP’s Satanic baptism by neoconservativism.
Under Nancy’s watchful eye, the Democrats have matched a frat pack of openly sexist right-wing He-men pound for pound on killing Muslims, deporting children, evaporating civil liberties, fixing the economy for our shared corporate overlords and getting filthy fucking rich doing it. Nancy Pelosi has been the engine that has driven it all. She is the woman behind the rapists, and she’s done it all in the name of human rights and feminism.
You see, dearest motherfuckers, this is the problem I have with the Gloria Steinem School of Second Wave Feminism. The whole idea of success is predicated on women rising to the top of a tower of bones built by centuries of institutionalized heterosexist chauvinism. The result is women like Hillary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher and Nancy Pelosi, who are supposed to inspire women like me by leading an empire just like the ass-grabbing barbarians they replaced or rather just joined on their mountaintop of fractured skulls and filthy money.
Over the years of trudging through the academic muck of gender theory in order to figure out my own vexingly androgynous path to womanhood, I’ve come to recognize that you don’t have to identify as a man to perform masculinity and I’ve never seen a more revolting performance of reckless jingoistic chauvinism and downright toxic masculinity than Nancy Pelosi’s high-octane invasion of Taiwan.
After months of being warned by everyone from the People’s Liberation Army to the Pentagon that what she was planning put the entirety of mankind at risk, Nancy Pelosi: Superfeminist arrived in Taipei on a military aircraft dragging half the set of a fucking Rambo movie behind her like a wedding train from hell, a dozen F-35’s, a cruiser, a destroyer, a goddamn aircraft carrier and partridge and a pear tree, all for a glorified photo-op of the Madame Speaker with Taiwan’s first female president, Tsai Ing-won, pissing standing up like the big boys on Xi Jinping’s leg.
Well, that and a meeting with Mark Lui, the chairman of the Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Corporation to secure the Military Industrial Complex’s iron grip on the kind of computer chips we need to reduce Beijing to radioactive rubble. But that last part was a little hard for the news to choreograph to a Carly Simon song.
China’s response was pretty predictable considering that everyone with or without a penis fucking predicted it. The Red Dragon clothed by the WTO went fucking bug-nuts and threw a colossal military hissy fit that continues to terrorize the island of Taiwan as we speak. A simulated blockade with Chinese warships occupying five different zones surrounding Taiwan just twelve miles off their coast in the largest display of military power in the region’s history, complete with short range ballistic missiles being fired over the island and naval drills that came a cunt’s hair away from ending in direct confrontation.
“I think it was worth it.” was Nancy Pelosi’s response to nearly causing an Asian Cuban Missile Crisis for girl power and microchips. But there was another response to Nancy’s diplomatic provocations that may well prove to be far more lethal than China’s and knowing how sly that veteran fraud is, I’m not convinced that it wasn’t the real motivation behind this whole sick and sorry episode.